We can all have moments when we lean on laughter or humor to get us through a nervous conversation. Just remember this, that nervous laughter isn’t fooling anyone. Others can clearly see through it for what it is, and it will always make them feel uncomfortable. No one appreciates repeated laughs or giggles used to conceal nerves, or humor used in a way that is passive aggressive.
Here’s how to get over that nervous laugh...
Not long ago – the morning after I’d given a team workshop for a client – I felt a rising anxiety that something was very wrong. As I poured my coffee, I realized that I hadn’t heard from my client about the success of the workshop. It was driving me a bit mad: Did they not like it? Had it not been successful? Were they disappointed with my performance? I couldn’t shake the feeling all morning…and by 8 a.m., I had an entire conversation in my head about how I needed to fix this “problem” and elicit some positive feedback. I was convinced that I needed to do more. I needed to follow up with a phone call, an email, or a thank you gift. It was then that I realized the “feedback monster” was wiggling its intrusive little self into my thought process and that I needed to seriously chill out for a minute or I could destroy a really important relationship with just a few insecure words.
One of my rock-star clients was recently struggling with a bit of a confidence issue. She was getting ready to have one of those nerve-wrecking, I-am-freaked-out-by-how-the-other-person-will-react conversations, and she was feeling less than confident.
I urged her to find a song – a few songs – that pumped her up and made her feel powerful, amped-up and on-fire.
The most common question I'm asked is: "How can I get more confident when I'm asking for something I want?" Get my answer in this audio session - and learn four easy steps to do it.
I love it when I have to eat my own words...that is, follow my own advice.
I'm speaking today about a very difficult topic, and - in preparing my remarks - I remembered two very important lessons for me and for anyone who ever has to give a speech (or have a very important conversation).
Wanna know what it is? Listen below, friend. It's not even four minutes long...and it will change your day! Promise. ;)
We live in a world of “likes”- from social media to dining room tables to board room discussions. Everyone is seeking a like, these days. But I challenge this: Anytime you head into a conversation and you’re aiming to get others to like you and, therefore, approve of your perspective, you have already failed before you’ve even uttered a word. Like yourself first and you cannot fail.
Case in point: a woman recently asked me about how to have a difficult conversation with her kids: she is marrying her recent boyfriend and needs to break the news to her adult children. Her tone in asking me was one of nervousness and doubt about how the conversation might go.
I asked her: "What is your goal in telling them?" She stared back for a moment and it became clear that she was seeking their approval of her and her decision. She wasn’t telling them to share her joy or to simply inform. She needed their “okay” to move forward in peace.
We often find ourselves at the cross-section of “I have something important to say.” and “I need you to like me.” It’s a tough spot – because it requires you to get someone to like you before either of you can approve of your choice. If you don’t get the “like” that you’re seeking, you feel insecure, nervous, beggar-ish. And, after this wave of emotions comes a palpable doubt that leads you to question whether or not what you’re saying is right. In this woman’s case, her quest to find approval will inevitably lead her to question, “Am I making the right choice in marrying this man?”
Like yourself first…and change your outcome every time.
